Where was I when the attacks of September 11th happened? I remember hearing about it during my 3rd or 4th period geography class. I was in the 11th grade. I can't believe that was 9 years ago. I didn't really understand what was going on or the extent of the attacks. I didn't really understand what terrorism was.. I just knew that what happened was bad. very bad. Later in the day, in my 6th period, Honors English class, we watched the news. My teacher's daughters were in New York & she would talk to them during class. And that's where I was when the attacks happened. I remember going home & watching the news for days & weeks & crying.. and being terrified that this country was going to be bombed & we were all going to die.. and that I would never get married or children. And to this day, it all breaks my heart. I don't understand the evilness in people's hearts or intentions. But we all know that evil does exist. But I am thankful for God's amazing & saving grace.
Today, I am taking some time to remember the lives lost during the attacks & all these years following September 11, 2001. I am thinking & praying for the families that lost their loved ones on that day.. and who have lost servicemen & women.. or anyone that has sacrificed their lives for me, my family, my community, and my country.
Have you ever been in a situation where you know that what someone is doing is for the better good. It shows that they are brave or courageous, but you wish they would have chosen to do something else? I know we probably have problems like everyday.
Today, I am talking about my youngest brother being deployed in Afghanistan. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for all the men & women that continue to sacrifice their lives for our freedom & protection. I am forever grateful for them. My baby brother joined the Marines. I am so very very proud of him. But I wish he was here & somewhat "safe". I don't keep up much with the news & now through the years, the "news" of what is going on overseas has kinda died down. I don't really keep up with politics.. or know why we still have men & women out there.
But honestly, I am scared for my brother. I don't want him to die... I don't want him to die at the hands of hostiles. I know we are all "born to die", basically. I just hate waking up & praying against receiving a phone call that will deliver bad news. I want to be selfish & have him here instead of out there.
After dealing & still currently dealing with the death of my Mom, I don't want to have to go through the pain again. And everyday, as much as I can.. I pray for my brother, his unit, his commanders. That's all I can really do. I'm gonna be honest & say that I'm having a hard time trusting God to protect my brother. I am believing & trying my best. But when my Mom died, I felt like God disappointed me. I wanted it so badly.. I wanted my Mom to healed more than anything in my life. I had complete & total trust that God would give us a miracle. And cancer won. Cancer is an ugly, ugly thing. But ever since then, I have had a hard time trusting God. I knew that God was able, but why didn't he heal her, you know? And I know that for everything there is a reason...but I'm still trying to figure out what the reason was.. and it may not be time for me to know.
I just love my brother.. and want my him home.. safe & sound. And until he is.. I'll just continue to pray & try my best to give it all to God & trust him. And I ask that you, also, pray for my brother, Aaron, & his unit...for their safety & protection. Thank you.
2 comments:
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with him going abroad during this time. But, remember how scared you felt on September 11, 2001. Remember what we're fighting for and why he's there. He's there to defend and protect our country from such a tragedy ever happening again and he is an amazing man because of his bravery.
It's easy to blame God and be angry with him when he takes someone so dear to us. I've never lost someone as close to me as my mom so there's no possible way I could understand how you feel. But I do know that God loves you SO much and he aches for your loss just as deeply as you do. He doesn't want to punish and He doesn't want to see you hurting. We may never understand why these things happen to us during this existence on earth, but one day, when we're in our rightful Heaven then we'll know. We'll ask. And we'll understand.
((hugs & prayers))
thanks, laura jane! i know i've never really been mad at God for what happened to my Mom.. because honestly, I would rather her not be here than to have her go through all the pain & chemo & all that good stuff. I was just disappointed, ya know? I know I've gotten better with dealing with her death.. just take it one day at a time. I appreciate your encouragement!
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