first family vacation

okay.. i know i haven't written in a couple of months.. but i wanted to write about a few things.. so i'll do it in different posts.

brandon, fox & i took our first family vacation to kansas city, ks/mo for memorial day weekend. we had such a wonderful time. and it was a vacation of many firsts.

number one.. it was our first family vacation. brandon & i celebrate our anniversary by doing a mini-vacation/mini-trip somewhere for memorial day weekend. our anniversary is may 19th. so this year we decided to turn it into a family vacation. we had considered leaving fox, but honestly, i am just not ready to leave fox. i know some people do it, but i'm different. and i'm just not ready.. and he's still nursing & didn't want to give it up yet. so we turned our anniversary trip into a family vacation.




second, it was fox's first time to go to the zoo. i've never been to a big zoo.. and the kansas city zoo is the biggest i've been to. we only went to one section & walked for ages, it seemed. and it was hot so we definitely didn't stay for long. we showed fox the elephants... we wanted him to see the big animals because we figured they would catch his attention.





third, it was fox's first haircut (on his 10 months birthday). before we left for vacation, brandon & i discussed getting fox's hair cut. i've always wanted to get his hair cut at a cute little shop where they sat them in the cars.. and thanks to google, we found the right place! shear madness in olathe, ks. the place was so cute. they had little convertible cars & in front of the cars, they had small tv monitors with a movie playing. the place was really thought out & we were impressed. fox even got a haircut certificate! it was well worth the $35 for something so memorable!




fourth (fourthly..whatever), it was fox's first time to go swimming. i was so excited to finally let him test the swimming pool. i love to swim, even though i rarely do it & it usually takes me about 30 minutes before i get the guts to just submerge my whole body into the water! i'm such a chicken. needless to say, he loved it. i'm fortunate that fox loves to take baths and even now if i go into the bathroom with him, he usually just wants to get down so he can try to climb into the tub. so i keep the door closed! ha! we bought a floating ring for him to swim in, but he wanted out. he wanted to swim with the big boys & girls! i honestly think fox should have had an older brother or sister. he just loves the older kids!




fifth, we went to our first major? leagues baseball game. kansas city royals vs. los angeles angels. brandon & i are not really baseball fans, but it was something fun to get out & do. it was actually a really fun experience! we sat in the nose bleed section, but i liked it because it kept us out of the sun! ha! more memories!



sixth.. i think that was all i had. we ate at some great restaurants while we were there.. one of my favorites & greatly missed restaurants, elephant bar, was extra yummy. oh how i miss the restaurants of albuquerque! we also ate at a bbq place in missouri.. it was yummy, but i loved the way it was decorated. we even found a krispy kremes & brought some home! woohoo!






seventh (while, i'm at it), our trip was filled with lots of shopping!! yay, for that! we found this super cute outdoor shopping area. there were fountains everywhere. we roamed through stores.. even stores that there was no way i could afford a coin purse from! ha! but we had a blast! even stop to eat at the cheesecake factory (another one of my faves).





i'm so thankful for my hubby who works his booty off at work & school & treats me (& fox) to a wonderful family vacation! i love you, babe!

and yay for our first family vacay!


p.s. i hate uploaded pics on this blog.. it takes forever! there has to be a better way!

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duty calls..

well, i've had a pretty good week. nothing spectacular.

i had a special mother's day.. well, as special as it could have been. i woke up sunday morning to my hubby & son coming into the bedroom. fox handed me his card he got for me. it was really cute & daddy/fox wrote.. "thanks mom for luv + milk". heehee! my hubby is crazy. but it made my day. and my hubby got me a sweet card & gift certificate to get an hour massage & an hour facial. i am definitely looking forward to using it.

well, brandon left for church & i nursed fox. even at 9 months & with fox having 6 teeth.. i still love nursing. and i go back & forth on whether i want to wean him at 12 months. it's just one of the most intimate moments i have with my son. and i really do love it. but i know i can have very special & intimate moments with my baby whether i nurse him or not. i guess we will see what happens.

anyways, let me get back on track. i was getting ready & placed fox in his exersaucer to let him enjoy his morning cartoons.. and this is where he normally does his morning poo poo... so if it comes out the back or anything, he doesn't stain or mess up his church clothes. he was quite fussy & so i thought "okay, maybe he wants to just play on the floor". as most mothers know that once their child becomes more mobile, they do not want to stay in the exersaucer or jumperoo; they want to get their hands on anything & everything & explore their home they've been looking at for months. i think babies spend their im-mobile (is that a word? can't remember) days looking around & scheming & planning what they are going to do & get their hands on once they can. so i placed him on the floor & went back to the spare bathroom in the hallway. and he was fine for about 5 minutes & started fussing a little. i went to check on him because now that he's pulling up on everything, he sometimes doesn't know how to get back down. so when i checked on him, he was just laying on the floor. i picked him up & set him in his crib so i could find his thermometer. when i came back in, he was laying down again. i placed him on his changing table & checked his temperature. 99.7.

hmmm.. i texted brandon & told him i didn't think i needed to go to church. one with fox's low grade fever & two with him being fussy & clingy. i like to think i am one of those mothers that will not take my child out anywhere to infect another child or person. and i get so irritated & frustrated when i take my child somewhere & someone brings their sick child in public. don't get me wrong. fox has had allergies & a snotty nose & mild cough due to the congestion. but i have taken him to the doctor every time to just be sure that he is not contagious. and i am constantly wiping that nose. and this constant yo-yo in the weather does not help him at all. but it frustrates me to no end when i think mothers are careless & inconsiderate. i better move off subject because i am getting worked up. heehee!

so i gave fox some tylenol.. placed him in bed with me & we slept for another 3 hours. his temperature kept rising to 102.4. i have to say i was a little sad to not be able to go to church. it was going to be my first real mother's day. and i had this cute dress (with the tag still on it) lined out that my sister in law gave me when i went in to visit a couple of weekends ago. i just love her. she always hands things off to me. but i love her for many more reasons. and fox had a cute little outfit that would match me. and we were going to take pictures. i think i was bummed that i wouldn't have any cute pictures of my first mother's day. but you know what? we should celebrate mothers everyday! right? but i realized it's not even about that.. AT ALL. it's about being a mother. and duty called on that day. and i took care of my baby.

my hubby & i have been working on eating better & healthier. sundays are usually our cheat day & our day to eat lunch with friends.. so he picked up some yummy food for lunch & we had ourselves a little feast. my husband it just so great! and he really did make my day special. i love him so much.

of course, i didn't go to work the next day & got him in to see the doctor. he had a cold. no ear infection, thank God. and the doctor just suggested we let his fever run the course. and i stayed home with him for 3 days. it finally broke on tuesday night, but i have to wait 24 hours before i can put him back in school.

while he was sick, we worked on teaching him how to sleep through the night. so i've basically night weaned him. at his last check up, the doctor said we could wean him from the night feeding & i think a lot of it has to do with me not being ready. but i get up at 5:30 am to get ready for work, get fox ready, load our car, leave the house by 7:15 am, drive 30 mins, drop fox off at school & "try" to be at work by 8 am. and it makes for one tired momma. i am not complaining of getting up at night with fox, because i take full advantage of loving on him. but i believe he's older & can handle it. and he needs more sleep. and so do i. heehee!

so he's been sleeping through the night for the past week, with the exception of one night. i only go back in his room if he is just in hysterics. but even then, i let him cry a little. but he's only done that once. and he will fuss for about 2-5 mins & fall asleep. last night, he slept for 9.5 hours! yay! it makes for one happy momma! ;-)

i spent my first off day taking care of my baby & cuddling him & babying him & loving on him & letting him rest. i spent the second day doing the same, but cleaning out closets & dressers. brandon & i don't plan on renewing our lease at the end of july & move to the town we both work in. it's only logical. so i am going to have a garage sale in june. there are so many things i've been holding onto.. i don't consider myself a hoarder. maybe a pack rat? but i've been holding on to things that remind me of my mom. but things that have just been sitting in the garage. i actually just spoke to my brother about it. we have this couch that i brought with me when i got married & it's been in 4 moves in 3 years. it was my mom's couch that she made a slipcover for. and it's been in the garage or storage. my dad was generous when he came to visit one year & bought us leather/suede loveseat & sofa & coffee table. so i really have no need for my mom's loveseat. so my brother said to get rid of it... that i do not need physical objects to help me remember my mom. so i think i will.

i made a lot of progress with cleaning out the bedrooms. and i plan on tackling the garage in the next few weeks. so say a prayer. and i think i'm going to use my spa day after we move because i'm sure i will be sore & need it then. wednesday, i just took it easy.. heehee! and thursday & friday was back to work & school for us. i am so thankful my baby is feeling better. i just hate when he is feeling a little bad. but i really enjoyed loving on him because it seems all he is interested in now is being on the floor & into everything.

well.. it seems like duty calls again & i must go feed my son dinner. and grab something for myself. ;-)

void.

if you came into my house, you'd think i've been pretty lazy on my saturday, but i haven't. i have been pretty busy today.. i honestly folded laundry for two hours straight, cleaned out fox's closet & updated his size, boxed up 4 boxes of clothes, toys & blankets to join the multitude of boxes in the garage, hung up his updated clothes, and i still have all the stacks of mine & brandon's laundry folded neatly on our bed, ready & waiting to be put away. ugh! it's turned out to be an all day affair.

after folding & dealing with closets & laundry.. i finally had a chance to sit down & relax. and then i was overcome with such emotion. i finally sat down and acknowledged that today marked the fourth anniversary of my mother's passing. it's ever present on my mind.. and i think of her constantly.. but it finally hit me when i sat down. i always dread this part of the year.. honestly, i dread any time i remember that she's gone. but it just proves that another year of many years has passed where i will be without my mother. and it's just too long.

last weekend, i went to visit my family in louisiana, my hometown. and i would normally go to church that sunday to visit my friends & home church & show off my now 9 month old son. but that saturday my dad asked me if i wanted to as a family go to my mother's grave & take flowers out there on sunday morning. honestly, i hadn't paid my respects in a couple of years. and i am ashamed that i neglected her... neglected someone i loved/love so much. i was either pregnant, crunched for time, didn't have enough gas, had an infant with me, or it was raining. too many excuses. so sunday morning, the family took flowers to her grave. and i re-read her tombstone. i read the verses from proverbs 31 that were written on the back. i played back memories of the dreadful/traumatic day. i played back good memories we had as a family. and i thought of how i wish my son would have had the chance to meet his Mimi.

it really stinks when someone you love & admire & adore is taken from you. but i rejoice in knowing that she is indeed alive & well & cancer-free & sitting at the feet of Jesus. she was my world. i loved her tremendously & still do. and my heart is broken & torn without her. and sometimes i feel lost. i want to be healed of it. but my dad said it best last weekend... "life is not fair. when she died, we were all left with a big void. and we just have to keep going until we're reunited." i know my Dad was the one who lost the most. but i feel like i did, too.

and so today, i remember the most amazing & beautiful woman i have ever known. she lived a great life.. she was full of life & gave me life. and she is one reason i keep on living. she was fearless & faithful. she loved abundantly & unconditionally. she loved her family above all else. she exhibited true beauty. she was the best mother, wife, child, sister, friend, aunt, etc. to ever grace this earth. and i am blessed to have been her child.

happy mother's day, mommy. you are so loved & missed.

april 26. a great day all around.

yesterday was one of the greatest days of my life..especially while being a mommy.

yesterday was my first nephew's 5th birthday. he was my "first" little love. and he's so dear to my heart. don't get me wrong, i love my other nephews. but preston will always hold a special place. i may have already shared this before. but shortly after my mom passed away, i put so much time, effort, & love into preston. i felt like he was what i had left. and i didn't know that i could love a little person so much. and i did/do love him. he was my "baby". i remember the first year that i was married & we came to visit for thanksgiving. i was so distraught when we left my family to head back to new mexico, mainly preston. that night, i was bawling & brandon was like "jess, chill." and i said "but i miss him so much. i hate leaving him & missing him grow." and he was like "he is not your baby.".. yes, he is. ;-) i am so excited about going to louisiana this weekend to celebrate his birthday. i'm a proud aunt.

i never knew i could love a little person as much as i love preston. i didn't know it was possible. and i didn't know i could love a second, third & fourth little person. i was actually kind of afraid of when my second nephew, maddox, was born. i told my sis, gina, that i didn't know how to make that work. but our hearts just expands & is filled with more love... more love to go around. i didn't know how it would work out when i had my own child. and it's definitely a different kind of love. but love unconditional, nonetheless. and love for all.





i LOVE my son. and i love him more & more each day. yesterday, on april 26, 2010, he said "momma" loud & clear for "momma" & daddy to hear. he said "dada" on march 26. and has said "daddy, dada" ever since. last week while he was playing his in his exersaucer, i heard him say "mama".. but brandon & i have this little thing that it doesn't count unless we both witness it. kind of like i could sit here & say he did this & that.. and not really do it. or maybe because i have been telling him for weeks to say "mama" then i hear what i want to hear or my ears play tricks on me, you know? so last night, while i was feeding fox his dinner. he started squealing, but he was mad. he tightens his fists.. i'm telling you, he knows what he's doing. and i was correcting him that it was not nice to do that and he needed to eat. as you already know, he doesn't eat a lot at school so at home i try to stuff him as much as i can. heehee! and so i would try to be stern (but loving) and correct him. but he just kept tightening his fists & squealing. so i had daddy intervene. and daddy was telling him "no". but he kept doing it. so daddy came up to his highchair & i was telling fox to please eat. and he said "mmm ma ma mom momma momma". and OH MY GOODNESS! when he started with the "mmm" sound, brandon & i just stopped in our tracks & listened intently.. hoping he would say what i have been waiting for almost 9 months for him to say. and he said "momma" and when he did, we both started clapping (fox was confused) & daddy started jumping for joy & momma started crying & just melted. heehee! i hope he doesn't think we were clapping & cheering him on for the squealing out of anger thing. i guess we'll find out soon enough. ha!

it's funny that as a young girl, you dream and wonder what your husband will be like. then when you're married, you wonder what your child will look like or be. and now that we have our child, brandon & i have wondered what his sweet little voice will sound like. and oh, it's the sweetest little voice, i have ever heard. i'm so excited about his next new words. he's growing way too fast. he is standing up on everything. he really likes to stand up in front of the tv stand & watch the tv. and he's walking with the help of his walker. he is almost a big boy. and i am so sad. :( but so excited, too.




yesterday, april 26, 2010, would have been my parents' 31st wedding anniversary. here's a little trivia for you. preston was born on my parents' 26th wedding anniversary, on the 26th day, and my sister would have been 26 yrs old that december. so yea. it's kind of sad to say that it "would have been".. wish it "could have been". my parents had a troubled marriage at first, but in the end it was the best marriage i have ever known. i have such sweet memories of them. my favorite memories: we would not go a week without seeing my mommy & daddy dance. they knew how to "git jiggy wit it". ha! even after my mom had the exploratory surgery, she was dancing with her hand over her "wound". and dad would always have his hand on her butt. we would all say "get a room!" heehee! and i loved going out to dinner with my parents. i was always the third wheel. honestly, i much preferred to spend my friday nights with my parents than my friends. and i loved waking up & going to their room & climbing into bed with them & laying in between them. i did this all my life, even in my teenage years. dad said i was always in the middle of them two.

my favorite memory of their marriage: for their 25th wedding anniversary, dad wanted to do something really special & surprise mom. so without mom's knowledge, we planned a surprise renewal of their vows at church. axel made a slideshow of pictures from when mom was a baby, dad was a baby, when they were together, then of every child & then the family. dad rented all the boys tuxedos. and he was flying lester in from washington state; lester was in the navy. so he told mom that sunday after church, they both had to drive to shreveport, la for a business lunch along with mr. casey & mrs. denise (their bff's) so she needed to find a really pretty dress. you didn't have to tell us twice to go shopping! haha! mom & i would go shopping like 2-3 times a week.. oh how i miss those days! so we found her a really pretty dress & i got myself an outfit. so sunday morning rolled around & dad told mom he was taking axel & aaron and they were going to go play soccer (which wasn't unusual) & he would pick her up after church & they would head to shreveport. at church, bro. harry spoke on marriage & the whole time mom was like "your dad needs to be listening to this". heehee! at the end of the sermon, bro. harry said he had a "presentation" & the lights dimmed. the first picture on the slideshow was a baby picture of my mom & when she saw it, she caught her breath & was like "where is your daddy?" and began to cry. at the end of the slideshow, the lights came on & my dad was standing next to the pastor in a silver tux. bro. harry then asked who gave my mom away. my oldest brother walked from a door behind the stage & said "i do".. both of my younger brothers walked down the aisles to the front & said "we do".. and then lester walked from the side entrance & said "i do". oh goodness! my mom just lost it. she just couldn't believe that lester was there. we were all in tears. one of my mom's friends came behind us & gave us both a bouquet of flowers for us to walk to the front. my sister in law had to help me get my mom going. mom was in like hysterics that she needed our help to walk. heehee! so we went up & they renewed there wedding vows while my brothers & i stood as their attendants. daddy bought mom a new ring & after their vows, we had cake & punch afterwards. it was a day to truly remember. i hope & pray & will strive to have a marriage like theirs.. or even better. and i hope we set great examples for our children.





so all in all, april 26 is a pretty great day!